Anger… it is the reactive emotion that we all experience. Some of us more than others, and some of us to greater degrees.
Some individuals do not even like to talk about their anger, nor admit that they even experience it, because they may have been raised to believe that it is a ‘bad’ emotion to have, and no good can ever come of it. Because they did not grow up talking about their anger, nor the hurt and other feelings that coincide with it, when it happens, it can come as quite a surprise to even themselves (read on for more on that).
Still others can become evoked by anger so easily that it ends up causing a plethora of issues and problems that can run the gamut from relationship struggles to even legal entanglements.
So what is anger? Anger is the feeling that one experiences in which they may feel threatened, be faced with a sense that things are unfair and unjust, and/or feeling that they are facing harm. It can be brought upon when an individual’s needs are not being met (or perceived that they are not being met), perhaps that they are being taken advantage of, and/or frustration with constant obstacles getting in the way of goals, dreams, even just day to day life.
Anger as mentioned above, can range in terms of the external effects, and the internal reactive component varies as well. For some, it can be mild to moderate irritation with certain events. For others it can manifest as intense rage. It should be noted, that for some, it can escalate from irritation to rage over time.
Anger in and of itself is NORMAL. It is our body and brain reacting to events that for whatever reason trigger us. To deny ever being angry could indicate a burying of emotions, and not wanting to deal with them, or even admit that one has them. This can lead to passive aggressive behavior, that I often refer to in anger management as the ‘volcanic reaction’. It is like lava bubbling up down in the volcano for years, until it ultimately blows. This behavior can be quite shocking to those around the person experiencing it, as they may have only known the person as relatively quiet and subdued.
While normal in the experience of it, anger becomes a problem when it is uncontrolled and can lead to aggressive behavior, violence, and negative consequences. Negative consequences do not necessarily just indicate legal issues. They can be things like losing jobs, friends, family. The anger can take on a life by itself, whereby the individual has little to no joy in their life, as they become angry about well… everything.
So how does one get a handle on their anger, should they fear that it is becoming problematic?
The first step is to recognize and acknowledge that the anger is there. That it has in fact become uncontrollable and far too insidious.
It is also advised, that during this time of recognition, that we look to our environment and if there are certain triggers that we are being consistently exposed to. Social media for example, can become a consistent trigger where one is seeing constant negative things, that can evoke anger. Taking a break from it, or significantly reducing time spent on social media would then be well advised.
Taking deep breaths, and ‘time outs’ to assess one’s emotions and what they are really feeling can be helpful, so that we can come back to the situation, and communicate effectively, while calmer and more assertive.
Therapy can be incredibly beneficial in helping one learn and master the above techniques, as well as learning to use more positive coping tools.