We all understand that death is a part of life. Despite this, I find that people often struggle with what to say to someone when their beloved pet passes away (and often, even when it is an actual human loved one). Sometimes, the words leave the persons mouth quicker than they realize, and it can (and does) have harmful results. For example, years ago, when I lost one of my cats, someone said to me, ‘its just a cat’.
No, it was not just a cat. It was a living being that had been with me for nearly 18 years, thru a whole strew of events in my life, and was a constant. I was so grief consumed, I could not even see straight. 6 weeks later, I had to go thru it all over again, when his sister cat also passed away, and once again, I was told, ‘well, they had long lives. You should be grateful for that. It is just a cat. You can always get another one ‘.
NOT HELPFUL! Quite the opposite.
I will start with a list of what NOT to say to someone that you know that may have lost an animal.
1. Piggy backing off of the above example I gave, do not say, anything about the ‘long’ life that the animal had. Time with an animal is never enough. Their life span is short as is.
2. Never ask when the individual is getting a new animal. That is a decision that only THEY can decipher for themselves. Some I find, move quickly. Others, it could take years. For many, it is somewhere in between. It is their business, and their business alone to attend to.
3. Do NOT point out that the animal is in a better place. The person that lost the animal is feeling that separation from their beloved pet. They don’t need to hear your thoughts on how
they are in a better place-even if you genuinely believe that. To that person, a better place would exist, if their animal was back with them.
4. Do NOT tell them to ‘stay busy’. Yes, staying busy can keep ones mind and body occupied, but the problem is, people can take that too far, and not allow the space to grieve. They NEED time to grieve too. Foregoing that, can lead to more emotional and mental issues down the road.
Now, what to say:
Some examples:
‘I am so very sorry. I cannot even imagine how you are feeling right now’.
‘I am here for you in your heartbreak-as long as you need ‘.
‘Your (animal) meant so much to you and this situation is so hard. I am here to walk through this with you together’.
If you are someone you know is struggling with the loss of a pet, please know that help is available. I myself work with folks grieving the loss of a beloved pet-and provide a safe space to process that loss.